How to Connect with your Wife

As you read this article, it’s most likely that you’re one of two types of people. You’re a man, admitting that you need some inspiration on how to re-connect with your wife and make her happier in your life together (hoping nobody sees that you’re reading this article), or you’re a woman, reading this in the hope that if you print it out for him and put it on the fridge, he will take the ‘not-so-subtle’ hint and make some changes before it’s too late.

When you’ve been with the same person whether it be for a few years or many years, you will know by now that a relationship does not take care of itself. Usually one, but preferably both people must make the required effort to make things work.

We all get tired, lack motivation, and have trouble communicating with our partner – but it is through our understanding and support of each other that we help one another and grow together.

To truly love someone is to know they are not perfect but to love them anyway.

The idea of connecting with your wife is more involved than just loving her. I have no doubt that you do love your wife (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article), so that is not the question here. The challenge is to really connect with your wife on a higher level – something that many men never even consider as an option.

By using the word ‘connect’, I’m referring to getting to know her soul, her true self. I am suggesting that you also open yourself up completely and show your wife who you really are – warts and all. After all, if you cannot be your true, vulnerable and imperfect self with your wife, then when can you ever be who you truly are?

If you truly feel lucky that this woman has chosen you, stop for a moment and let the realisation sink in that your wife feels the same way – she feels truly lucky that she has YOU.

With this in mind, know that by making an effort to make a change for your wife and for the health of your relationship that there can be nothing but positive outcomes.

Why should I attempt to make this connection?

I think the question is more about ‘Why shouldn’t you make a connection with your wife?’. When you said your marriage vows, no matter how long ago it was, you made a promise to her. This is the one woman in your life who has promised to give you everything, and that you’ve promised to give everything to in return….so why shouldn’t you?

If you’re having a rough time, don’t despair. These difficult times are what makes you as a couple. Getting through hardship and making it out the other side with your wife still by your side is one of the things that will strengthen your bond as a couple for a lifetime.

Keep in mind that your wife will notice a change in you. Even any small changes you put in place will seem like the world to her. As you begin to shift your focus and to connect with your wife, she will feel more appreciated and noticed, and in return your life as a couple will become more fulfilling mentally, physically and spiritually – why wouldn’t you want that?

TIP: The way women see it is that you have chosen us to be the most important person in your life – and we have also chosen you. There is nothing we could discover in you that wouldn’t make us love you all the more.

What is it you love about her?

If you really want to connect with your wife, the first thing you need to do is to remind yourself why you love her. This might be difficult at first, especially since as a man, it’s likely you’re  not used to delving into your emotions. Try to take a little time to think about your wife: her smile, her laugh or her quirky habits, and you will begin to gain a clear understanding in your mind of what it is about her that makes you happy.

Ask yourself some questions and answer honestly:

What was it that first drew you to her? What things do you have in common that make you smile? What happy/funny moments have you shared? What is it about her that makes you feel loved and cared for?

If you spend some time thinking about her and your past experiences together this will solidify in your mind the reasons you want this woman to be the major focus of your life and why you want to spend your life making her happy.

Next, think about what you’re grateful for in regard to your wife. Does she work full time and find the time to cook, clean and look after your kids?

Stop for a moment and really try to see some of the things you take for granted. Are your clothes always washed and ready to wear? Will she happily sacrifice a day with family so you can spend time with your friends? Think about it. Look at other relationships that are close to you…does your wife do things for you that other wives would never do for their partners?

When you’ve thought about it and realised some of the things she does for you without question, keep them in mind…you will be coming back to them later.

Take a look at your own shortcomings

How do you measure up as a Husband? If you were your wife, what pros and cons would you list about yourself? Be honest here. You need to see the truth* if you really want to connect with your wife.

(*Don’t be afraid of this exercise, just because you may see something you do or don’t do as a bad thing, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your wife sees it this way. Don’t start to beat yourself up, you simply want to point out to yourself some truth about your effort and dedication to your wife and your relationship.)

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Are there ways you could improve your attitude, effort and motivation in regard to your wife and your relationship? Let me answer this one for you….of course there are!

In any situation, there is always room for improvement. So, with this in mind, what could you change right now to give a little more effort to your relationship with your wife? Are you expecting her to be perfect? Do you focus more on your own needs rather than hers or your needs as a couple? Are you tending to ignore the fact that she also works hard to create a life you both want to live?

Be honest with yourself. Release your ego.

No one expects you to be a perfect Husband, so don’t start to get defensive. The only person who will know about your assessment of yourself is you, so there is no need to pretend you’re something you’re not. Also, when doing this exercise, you need to keep in mind that your wife loves you – just as you are, right now. Any truths you may acknowledge about yourself will only make her love you more – for admitting that you don’t have it all worked out and that you’re prepared to admit you’re not right all the time.

TIP: Women don’t expect our partners to be perfect or to have the answers to everything all the time. We would be just as happy to have you admit you don’t know what to do, so we can work together as a couple, through whatever rough patch we’re going through at the time.

Envision your ideal relationship with your Wife

What aspects of your relationship with your wife could be improved?

Try not to get sidetracked here – we all have things about our partner that drive us crazy such as habits and quirks and that’s not what we’re talking about here. What we mean is how can the individual aspects of your connection with your wife be improved such as communication, romance, domestic living, sex, leisure time, & honesty?

Perhaps improvement needs to be made by both parties – your wife and yourself. This is where compromise come into play.

For Example, If you are willing to admit to your wife that you do tend to be a little lazy on the weekends and are glued to the TV watching football you could let her know that you’re going to start making a little more of an effort around the house and to spend time with her. However, you’ve also noticed that lately she’s been doing something that you don’t see as fair, so perhaps she could agree to see her improvement through in return for  your efforts.

If you would like to see improvement in your sex life – once again, compromise comes into play. You will need to give a little to get a little. One of the direct links to Sex for a woman is Romance. If you want more Sex in your relationship then you are going to need to give more Romance, Time and Effort to your wife. What you give is in direct proportion to what you’ll receive.

So, if you think about it, making this effort to really connect with your wife, get to know her true self and in turn to allow her to see the real you, can only have purely amazing results.

TIP: As women, we’re like unique sculptures. The more time, care and attention you give, the more beauty and pleasure you’ll receive in return.

Take the steps and Make the change

Hopefully, you’re feeling very clear about your feelings about your wife, your relationship and your own efforts toward both.

If you were honest with yourself, you would have unveiled the things you love about your amazing wife, things she does for you that you tend to take for granted, some of the things that you feel you could improve about yourself as a Husband and some aspects of your relationship that you’d like to change.

To begin to connect with your wife use this guide and refer to it often. The process will take as long as you allow it to, depending on the time and effort you put into each step.

1. Tell your wife you love her and why. The ‘why’ is very important. Get creative though, say different things and say them often. For example: ‘Sweety, you’re so special to me. I love you.’ or ‘Honey, you’re the only person who puts up with my snoring (smile), I love you’.
2. Start to help out doing some of the things that your wife does and that you tend to take for granted. Instead of dumping your dirty clothes on the floor, put them in the hamper, or better yet, wash them yourself.
3. Tell your wife something true about yourself that you’ve not told her before. If this feels uncomfortable for you (as it would for most men) do it when you’re lying in bed in the dark.
4. Make an extra effort on a particular area of your relationship that you want to improve. For instance, if your wife wants a baby, but you’re not ready, talk to her and communicate your feelings and fears – she will understand, and your overall communication and understanding of each other will improve tenfold. If you want more sex, then improve the Romance and Listening aspect of your efforts.
5. Be spontaneous. Live a little. Do something you’ve never done before and surprise your wife. Change your hairstyle, book a random holiday, take a massage class and allow your wife to be your first ‘client’.
6. Become a good listener. You need to realise that women see their Husbands as their ‘best friend’. When something has gone wrong during the day, we need to voice it and talk about it to feel better. When we have gotten it out of our system, then we feel happier and lighter. As a husband, you are a great help in this area if you listen and give constructive feedback about the situation, without being critical or trying to ‘fix it’.
7. Ask for help. You are not expected to know all the answers to every problem. Your wife will love you even more if you can admit that you don’t know what to do and that you need her to help. Women need to feel needed by their men and will not look down on them if they admit defeat.
8. Every now and then make her feel like a Queen. Every woman likes to feel special – especially with attention from their partner. Take her out and tell her you want to do whatever she wants. Buy her flowers, and plan a surprise, like a roaming violinist, sky writing or a love letter left in a random place for her to find. Your efforts will certainly be rewarded.
9. Keep in mind that what you put in, you get back. If you don’t feel as if your wife is open enough with you and is hiding her true feelings about a situation, then realise that you must also open up to her.
10. Attention! Your wife is like a rose – if you don’t tend to her, give her love, affection and enough attention then she will wilt. Give her your undivided attention when you can. Make her feel like the most important person in your life and your connection with her will flourish.

Hopefully you’re inspired now to open up your relationship to a whole new level. Remember, Time + Effort = Excellent Results.

If you focus on giving your wife an abundance of love and attention while at the same time focus on giving more of yourself to her and to your relationship – you cannot fail.

Give and you shall receive. Love and you shall be loved.