There’s no such thing as being a Failure in Life

Thinking of yourself as a ‘Failure in Life’ is merely a concept derived from past events or beliefs, it is not a truth – especially if you choose not to make it one. Failure is about behaviour, outcomes and results – not about people. You have the power to either enhance this belief or banish it completely.

Evidence of Failure

In order to break down the belief that you’re a failure in life, you must first work out where these feelings are coming from.

Was it a single event that prompted you to feel this way or have several things happened over an extended period of time in order to strengthen this belief? Perhaps it was a Business Failure, Personal Failure, Accident or just that you feel as though your life is a failure from several combined events.

If it was events that have forced you to believe this, would you agree that you most likely wouldn’t do the same thing again? Therefore, doesn’t that mean that you’ve learned from your experiences?

You must trust yourself that you have learned what you needed to at the time and that you are able to move on, not making the same mistakes. You must keep in mind that if it wasn’t for Failure, we would never Learn anything. You cannot learn to ride a bike, without failing a handful of times before. You will never know if you’re allergic to peanuts unless you make the mistake of eating some. And by letting that great opportunity pass you by, you learned that next time one comes around, it’s time to go for it.

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Perhaps you were continually told by people you looked up to that you’re no good or that you will never amount to anything, and so you’ve adopted this belief for yourself.

It hurts when people we love and look up to let us down by belittling us and making us feel like we’re no good. By letting this rule your life, you are allowing yourself to re-live these feelings over and over again. You cannot let the thoughtless comments of others shape your destiny. Do you wish to continue living up to the expectations of people who clearly had so little faith in you – or are you willing to take the steps to live up to the expectations of yourself?

Memories of Past Events where you felt like a Failure can only remain important so long as you continue to re-live them. If you are constantly evaluating current events and circumstances by comparing them to events that have taken place in the past, you are stunting your own personal growth and not giving yourself the fair chance you deserve.

Here is a perfect example. My mother was once at the beach with friends when she was in her early twenties.  Some of the guys in her group thought it would be funny if they carried my mum out into the waves and dumped her there. When they did this, my mum landed heavily on her coccyx bone and was dunked under the waves – a fairly traumatic experience. She now lets her present experiences constantly be shaped by that past event and fear. She will not swim in the ocean and has allowed herself to miss out on countless hours of pleasure spent swimming at the beach with family and friends because of this one failure.

Don’t allow your past to shape your future. You have the power to face your failure and your fear of the same thing happening again by forgiving yourself for any past actions. Forgive, Learn, Grow and Succeed – that is your choice as opposed to Wallowing, Ignorance, Stagnation and Despair. It’s your choice.

Being a Failure is Impossible

What you need to realise is that a person cannot BE a Failure. A failure is an event that has taken place or a concept, it is not a personality trait. Failing at something is one thing, but YOU being a failure is actually IMPOSSIBLE. Why is BEING a failure Impossible? Because, YOU and only YOU have the power to change the outcome of your life in a split second.

All you need to do is choose to believe that you are Passionate, Fearless, Courageous, Bold, or Imperfect – NOT A FAILURE. You’re not dead yet, so while you’re here living, thinking and breathing you also have the opportunity to change your life and become the person you were born to be.

The Law of Feedback States: There is no failure; there is only Feedback. Successful people look at mistakes as outcomes or results, not as failure. Unsuccessful people look at mistakes as permanent and personal. Most people self-limit themselves. Most people do not achieve a fraction of what they’re capable of achieving because they’re afraid to try – because they’re afraid they will fail.

Are you willing to continue to be ‘Most People’ and limit yourself by your thinking? Are you willing to completely stop trying for the rest of your life because of this belief that you’re a failure and because you’ve chosen to take on this belief as permanent and personal? Are you willing to always wonder what you could’ve done to turn this around and to never know what you could have been truly capable of?

DO NOT LET FEAR RUN YOUR LIFE. Allowing yourself to believe you’re a Failure in Life is allowing Fear to run your life. Accepting that you’re a Failure is when you decide to never change your path from where you are right now, to stay miserable and unfulfilled and to continue believing this lie. You have the power to become who you want to be – all you need is a little courage to make it happen.

Check out The Quickest Way to Fail at Anything if you want some thoughts on what you’re doing to yourself – it might just perk you up and inspire you to take some action!

You Failed? Big Deal

I’m going to go out on a limb here….You failed at something, or lots of things, or perhaps you missed out on several great opportunities therefore you believe that you’re a Failure. Period.

Well, I want to say something in response to that.

So What. Big Deal. Who Cares.

The only way these facts have any power is if you give them power. The more strongly you believe you’re a Failure in Life, or that you will never amount to anything, the stronger you’re making these facts for yourself. It doesn’t matter to anyone else what happened in your life last week, last year or ten years ago. These events have no power unless you give them power and choose to let them rule your life now, in the present.

The only power that your Failures have that is worth drawing anything from, is the lesson that you learned from them. Take the lesson that you learned, use it and grow from it  - then move on. The more you dwell on past failures and negative beliefs, the more you’re robbing yourself of your life. You can live an amazing life, all you need to do is try.

“Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it’s not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won’t. It’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.” ~ Barack Obama

Living a life that is ruled by actions that have taken place in the past is a life half lived. What has happened was bad, wrong and painful. It put you on a path of self-pity, low self-esteem and possibly self-destruction, however can what you’re focusing on make things any worse? No. But by choosing to NOT focus on it any longer, you can make things SO much better.

Realise the benefits of Persistence. To be successful in anything you choose to do, whether it be cooking or public speaking, you must continue to try until you achieve the results you desire. Does this mean you’ll burn a few trays of cookies? Most likely. Oh god, what about embarrassing yourself in front of a room full of people? You bet. But the point is that if you don’t go through these mistakes and failures, then you’ll never get to where you want to be.

Our failures shape who we are. By failing we learn who we are and what we’re truly capable of.

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” ~ Michael Jordan

Truly successful people do not simply give up. Choose to be a Success in Life. If what you tried before didn’t work, and you failed, well, TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got.

Just because you tried something and made a mistake, doesn’t mean you’re a failure – and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re a Failure in Life. It means you tried something that didn’t work. You then have the choice. To let this small misfortune rule your life and prevent you from trying anything else or to learn from it, change your approach and try again.

Too many missed Opportunities

Perhaps you believe you’re a Failure in Life because you feel that you’ve let too many opportunities pass you by, or go to waste. You may not realise it, but simply acknowledging this is a step in the right direction. If you know within yourself that you didn’t give past events or opportunities your all, then you also know that there is room for improvement.

It is scary to try new things, but if you never challenge yourself you will never achieve your true desires. You will stay as you are and where you are.

Think about it – if you truly wish to change and start going for new opportunities as they come up, but you’re afraid, what would be more painful? Leaping into the unknown by accepting a new opportunity that has the capabilities of putting you on the road to your dreams and a successful life, or letting yet another opportunity pass you by and staying where you are in your life right now. I’ll let you think about that one.

“My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.” ~ Elaine Maxwell

Who you are is not shaped by what happened in the past or what bad choices you made. It is shaped by who you choose to be right now. You have the power to become the person you want to be, all you need to do is make the choice, then follow through with the actions.

You missed out on great opportunities in the past? So What!

By choosing to change your focus now and accepting new opportunities with excitement rather than shying away from them with fear, you will begin to create the person you wish to be in the future.

Failure is not who you are

If there is only a tiny ounce of your consciousness that is starting to come around after reading this article, and starting to doubt your strong conviction that you’re a Failure, then build upon that RIGHT NOW.

Think of times in your life when you succeeded. Even if it’s something as small as when you first learned to rollerblade or drove a car for the first time. These milestones in your life are important. They too have shaped who you are. Focus on the positive aspects in your past and what you learned from them. Focus on the feelings you felt when you were so proud to have achieved and succeeded in what ever it was that you set out to do.

Be PROUD of who you are.

Do not be ashamed for trying and failing. Do not be ashamed of being afraid. Anyone who says they’ve never failed at something or has never let fear stop them from trying something new is flat out lying. Don’t let others make you feel inferior. The only opinion that matters is yours. Other people were not there in the past and did not experience these past events as you did. You are the one who must learn from these events and shape your future with them, therefore, your opinion is the only one that matters.

Make a promise to yourself that you will acknowledge your past, learn from it and grow – but that you will no longer let it shape who you are Right Now. As you begin to focus on who you want to be Today, and what you’ve learned as well as what you still need to learn, you will start to notice that your belief of being a Failure in Life is slowly being replaced with the strong belief of POSSIBILITY. You will start to see that there is the Possibility for you to be whoever you want to be. That there is a Possibility of being Successful. You will start to notice New Evidence of your Success – rather than focussing of past evidences of your failure.

If you are wanting to take the step to banishing your belief that you’re a Failure in Life, then do it right now.

• Re-asses your past successes and re-live those feelings. It’s not conceited to feel proud of yourself for what you have achieved.
• Look at your past failures and acknowledge the lessons you learned from them.
• Decide which path you want to take to become the person you want to be in the future.
• Never let anyone tell you you’re a Failure, Unworthy, Useless or Pathetic EVER AGAIN. Do not let others’ envy of your newfound strength affect your resolution to make a change in your life.
• Trust that you will make the right decisions as they are needed and that you will no longer let fear of failure rule your life.

“Opportunities fly by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone.”  ~Jerome K. Jerome, The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, 1889